The kickstarter Documentary <a href=http://givemesexjesus.com/?>Jesus, don’t let me die before I’ve had sex</a> is now fully funded with a day to spare.
Estimated release is mid 2013. I’m looking forward to it. Hurrah.
Anyway, I suppose it is worth adding a little bit of personal reflection on this.
I did not date in high school nor to much or my early twenties. There were a lot of reasons for this, but it wasn’t for lack of opportunity. It wasn’t even for lack of attention or interest. It was largely because I didn’t know how. I did not even know that it was a skill to be learned.
Unfortunately what filled the empty space in my mind was not practical, secular -yes secular– wisdom but fundamentalist folk teaching that was taught to by an amalgamation of church camps and bible bookstore best sellers. All of it kept the party line of abstinence, seeking God first, praying for your future spouse, and not wasting time dating but courting -whatever the fuck that is. I feel overall that the teaching was relationships were to be delayed until God brought a spouse to you and that romance was to be disconnected of sexuality.
The church “just guy times”-at least when it came to sexuality and relationships- were pretty much condemnation fests. There was a lot of emphasis placed on not lusting with your eyes, even though physical attraction was okay. So basically we were allowed to be physically, but not sexually attracted, to anyone. Additionally, we were taught, that way-ward women would (as my friend cleverly put it once) “steal our souls with their vaginas.” Risk and vulnerability were also things to avoid. A friend of mine once told me that he didn’t want to give his future wife “a scarred up heart.” Never mind that God still loves a scarred up heart. Also that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
Most of the guys who were teaching us to repent of our sexuality were married and with kids. I.e. they were “successful.” so most of us clueless 15-18 year old guys believed them. Sadly, those moral paragons turned out to have feet of clay. How else can you describe it though when what is alleged to be “biblical teaching” is little more than a social convention? It is only “right” because of how often it is repeated and taught. In fact, I’m fairly well read Christian, but I had to read something written by a pyscho-balls atheist woman before coming across a very thoughtful affirmation of male sexuality.
The biggest irony of all this is that most of that dogma actually caused me to sin. Not that I blame it, per se, but the dogma certainly did not help me with handling relationships very well. How? Well getting into a relationship is a little bit like water flowing down a hill. The evangelical dogma is like a overly complicated system of dams, buckets, and pipes to ensure that the water flows down the hill exactly as its supposed too. Also, if you’re taught that a “scarred up heart” will fuck-up your relationship with your divinely appointed future spouse, what does that say about every casual date? In Azusa Pacific’s student newspaper, year’s ago, there was an article written by a girl encouraging (borderline begging?) guys to be more open to casual dating. On behalf of all guys who didn’t know better, I apologize.
I repented of that behavior in the most literal sense -changing of the mind- long ago. Things have been a lot better over the last several years. Specifics will of course, not be listed here. I am not concerned about the evangelical dogmas these days, although they still show up in blogs like this one. Now, some might say, “oh, but if you don’t date the Christian way you’ll never have a nice upstanding Christian girl to marry and put babies into.” The subtext there is that “Christian” actually means “Evangelical.” To those nay-sayers I reply that it’s a good thing that I feel comfortable with high-church Protestants, Catholics, and outright pagans.
Thanks for reading.