>Dating Question: Guys, how would YOU answer it?

Posted: 04/02/2011 in boundless, eHarmony, marraige, relationships
Tags: , , , ,

>If there’s one thing I like about Korea, its that I have lots of time to listen to podcasts. I randomly downloaded a few from “Boundless” which is far as I can tell is Focus on the Family for twenty somethings. In Podcast 156 the host read an eMail from a listener. It was a question about how to approach men. The guest answered.

Here’s the irony: It is a dating question about men. All three people involved were women.

So for a different perspective, I hope that all guys reading this post -married, single, dating whatever- take a chance to read this question from a concerned reader. Answer -in this blog- about how you would answer this question because your insights lasts longer here than on facebook.

“A couple of friends and I have been trying out eHarmony. In an effort to the let the men lead, I’ve been waiting for my matches to initiate contact before entering into a conversation with them. The trouble is that there are two or three who’ve intrigued me from their profile, but they have not contacted me. After two or three weeks, I wonder if I’ve just gotten lost in the list of matches that accumulate over time. Would it be helpful to them to just drop an ice breaker or initiate a conversation?

How do you answer it guys?

  1. >I'd say you could if you wanted, but if he hasn't pinged you yet, he was either not interested enough, or he forgot about you. Either way, best to move on.

  2. >Online dating is hardly conventional, the rules apply but much more loosely. I would say an ice-breaker or conversation starter would be more than appropriate. Some of the men may not be interested, some may be very shy (a reason for the online dating perhaps), and some may just have been lost in the shuffle. No harm in letting them know you exist and are interested.

  3. >I'm a female, but feel like throwing this out there anyways, even though I do agree that if youre curious about the male gender, you really should ask males your questions. This isn't the 1700's. Females have as much right as men to say "Hey, I like you, let's do coffee." 😀 Until this lady comes across some guy who has the same knights and fair maiden complex she has, she's going to be a lonely lady. I'm bold. If I like someone, I make it obvious, that way I know if it can go anywhere right off the bat. It's always worked well for me. Mostly because I always go for shy nerdy types who need a girl to make it OBVIOUS (looking at you, my Aaron! :P). I did read "Captivating" and I think I did actually agree with 2 maybe even 3 paragraphs of the book lolz But I'm not a creature that needs to be babied and told I'm beautiful every day. And women out there who are like that, have some self-actualization to do. Sorry, got distracted. Women, tell the man you think is cute that he is cute. That is all.

  4. >I've always made the first move and I'm a girl. didn't know that one was a moral issue. guess I'll pray about it since it obviously was so offensive no good Christian man would have me. oh wait…I'm married to one.The question itself is stupid. It's the internet. that's like saying "I was at a bar and saw someone attractive but didn't want to make the first move so I moved away from him so he would have to find me in a room full of other girls"if women can lead in church they can send an eharmony thingy.

  5. >I think some guys are pussies. They're afraid of women who know what they want. (There are other guys who have no spine and therefore should be afraid of women who know what they want.) I don't fall into either of those categories. I find it attractive when a woman takes initiative.That said, eHarmony's 39-steps-to-first-date process is scientifically designed to be as non-threatening as possible. "I'm interested enough in you to click a button" is a far cry from asking someone on a date, even if that's where it eventually leads.Having used eHarmony, yes. After two or three weeks, you are lost in his list.And yes, it would be helpful to start something. The fact that he didn't close the match means you're on the maybe list – or that he doesn't close any matches ever. The fact that you're interested makes you more attractive to the guy in question. But I wouldn't wait two or three weeks any more than I'd jump right on a new match. Give it a day or two so it's not weird. If you want to give him a chance to make the first move wait maybe four or five days max. If he hasn't done anything by then, he's not going to. But that doesn't mean he's completely uninterested. The fact that you're interested might make you interesting enough to do something about. Give it a try. The worst he can do is say no.

  6. Jin-roh says:

    >Nicole and Brandi, I kind of want to send your comments to Boundless right now.Of course, there are still few more guys I'd like to hear from.Dan? Kevin?In fact, if you guys know any guys can you please drop them a message? Because that would be fun.

  7. Adam Goyer says:

    >They are asking the wrong question,first, why E-harmony, so many better options.Second, It's the 21st century, woman can lead now – get on with it.

  8. Jin-roh says:

    >what is your favorite dating site and why, adam?

  9. RobertAGC says:

    >If you only want a guy who will take the initiative, then forget about it. I happen to think that, in the Internet environment, that is silly. My current girlfriend and I met on Match. She "poked" me, so I figured that I would give it a shot. It worked, and things have been going very well ever since. There is no hard and fast rule about this. You simply have to face your fears and go for it.

  10. Nelima says:

    >Hi there, Joel! It's my first time on your blog–followed a link an ended up here. Anyways, as to sending Brandilyn's and Nicole's comments to Boundless, it wouldn't faze them. They've got articles titled Real men risk rejection and Pursue her. They're big on men initiating relationships. And as a strong-willed female, I rather like that idea.

  11. Nomad, BSN says:

    >I think the same rules for online and real dating apply: if you are interested then go for it. Either sex.Society has simultaneously woven a variety of fairy tales to pick and choose from for both women and men regarding dating: the knight in shining armor who rides in and rescues the princess, the friends who realize they love each other, the blind date match made in Heaven, the bad boy that changes for the girl, the emotionally wrecked girl with the stable guy in her life, the One, Mr. Right, Mr. Right-now and more.The problem here is that there's a flip for each scenario: if a guy comes off too strong he's a stalker, if he lacks a bit of confidence he's no man, if he waits too long to ask he's a stalker, if he's too emotional he must be on meds, if nothing phases him he doesn't care, if he's perfect then she isn't, if he's good enough for right now then he shouldn't be raising a family.In both sexes confidence and initiative are sexy. Regardless of age or gender, if you want someone at least go for it and say 'hi'.

  12. Good relationships depend on good two-way communication. I can understand wanting to date a guy with good leadership skills, but that doesn’t mean that girls should be passive communicators. Worrying about who should start the relationship, or the first conversation in this case, seems like an extremist view of the “men need to take the lead in everything relationship-related.”

    It’s not like you’re asking the dude to marry you (which is different in both type and magnitude); you’re only doing the Internet dating-equivalent of saying hello. Don’t let a guy’s shyness or inattention to his match list prevent you from getting to know him a bit more. If he gets angry/bothered that you were the first one to contact him, he probably wasn’t a good match for you anyway.

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